A Night Out



Blackout is for the inexperienced

Every It Mommy needs a night out, whether it’s date night with the hubby or girls’ night with friends.  The night out is rare and even when it occurs you’re home by ten.  Because, let’s face it, a night out doesn’t entitle us to have the next morning off as well.  As an It Mommy, there are new rules of conduct for the night out.  You’re not in college anymore, blacking out is so over.

·         Dress up.  A night out is not the time to pick out your best hooded pullover sweatshirt (please tell me you don’t own one!).  An It Mommy dresses for the occasion.  Sexy if it’s date night with the hubby and trendy if it’s a night out with the girls. 

·         Use your inside voice.  Screaming, cackling, loud hag talking, whatever you want to call it, it’s rude and disgusting.  Yes, you were let out of your prison you call home.  It’s not a license to act like a beast. 

·         Two drink maximum.  Lay off the wine, whino (stay tuned for an entire posting about wine).  No one is more unclassy than Drunk Mommy.  A night out is a time to unwind, catch up, let loose, but not so loose that you’re fall down drunk.  Leave that to the inexperienced childless women.

·         Don’t shamelessly flirt with the male staff.  An It Mommy is hot, we all know it.  But more so, an It Mommy has standards.  And Scott, the waiter at Friday’s, is not flirt worthy.  Besides, It Mommy’s use their efforts to cultivate their marriages not try to please yet another man, particularly one who makes $7.50 an hour.  Shameless flirting is needless attention seeking, and who really wants attention from a Bieber wannabe waiter?

·         Expand your conversation.  Do not spend all night talking about your kids.  There are other important things to discuss in the world, like the Kardashians and whether Kim will get back with Reggie now that Kris is so out.  You spend all day and night and weekend potty training, trying to get them to eat their vegetables, and wiping butts.  Enjoy your time talking about what really matters in life: The Real Housewives and how you wish you had your own private spa.

Happy Humping!

Now that you’ve unwound, caught up on gossip, or spent some much needed quality time with your husband it’s time to go home.  Do top the night off with a heavy sex session with your man.  A night out should have released the stress and tension you’ve been carrying since your last night out.  Plus, you have a couple drinks in you, and we know sex is better with alcohol.  He’ll be more inclined to take care of the night routine so you can go out, or schedule a date night next time if you are horny and ready for sex at the end of a night out.