Navigating the Mom Clique

Don't hate

An It Mommy is often hated immediately on sight because she doesn’t look like the other Mommy’s.  The mom clique has their radar set against any woman who doesn’t look like she’s fried.  Or could steal her husband.  Show up to the soccer field in a cute outfit, makeup, and perfectly styled coif and you’re in for some cold daggers.  It’s inevitable; women are programmed to despise those who look better than they do.  Your goal as It Mommy is to navigate this situation carefully.  There’s a fine line between becoming Bitchy Mommy and Please Everyone Mommy.  It Mommy is finely tuned in the middle.  She isn’t going to let these women run the show, and she isn’t going to bend over backwards to be liked.

·        Confront cold stares and whispers.  Look everyone dead in the eye, smile and say hello.  Mom cliques hate confrontation; they buckle and fold under the pressure.  Doing this acknowledges that yes, I look amazing, no I’m not a bitch, and yes I know what the fuck you are doing and I could care less.

·        Combat bullying.  There’s always “that” mom who volunteers you to do the shittiest job.  An It Mommy doesn’t let anyone speak for her, and she sure as hell isn’t going to let a Clique Mom volunteer her to sit in the concession booth for three hours in 90 degree weather.  Speak up and politely decline.  Say, “You know, I’d love to volunteer but I’m already doing so much with other activities.  How about I donate something instead?”  Or, for the working It Mommy, “Thanks, but I work and my time off is the only time with my kids, how about I bring drinks for the group?”  If the Clique Mom persists and puts you on the spot with “well we all work” or “we all have other activities” hold firm and say, “Thank you, but I would really prefer to volunteer for an activity with the program on my own terms.  Let me know if there’s something else I can do to help.”  Give a smiling cold stare until the topic has changed.  Because it will, Clique Moms can’t handle confrontation.  It Mommy’s do very little volunteering of our time and we definitely don’t do crafts.  Making dinner every night is like its own hellish concession every single day of our lives.  We don’t need to volunteer to do it for everyone else.

You bitches don't phase me

·        Gossiping and random motherhood conversation.  It Mommy’s don’t participate in gossiping except with our own close group of friends.  It Mommy’s never talk shit to a group of acquaintances; there’s too much risk of the information leaking.  Even if you’re lured into a conversation about someone and the Clique Mom is waiting to hear you spill it, don’t engage.  Always smile, and deflect.  It Mommy’s will listen to the gossip, it’s always good to gather evidence and inside dirt so you know how to navigate better through the jungle.  But It Mommy’s don’t add to the gossip.  An It Mommy will say things like, “Oh really” “I didn’t know that” or the sympathetic, “Oh, that’s sad”.  Never give a Clique Mom anything to use against you. 

Besides, It Mommy’s could really care less about what’s going on with these people anyways.  Participating would insinuate that you care about little Jimmy’s pee-pee problem.  And you don’t.  These mom’s have nothing else to talk about except how Sally colored her very first amazing picture today she must be an art genius and really, do you care?  No.  It Mommy’s kids are amazing and crazy just like everyone else’s, except probably more amazing because they’re not brats.  It Mommy's know that not everyone wants to hear about our kids, so aside from a brief update only upon request, we don't talk about them incessantly.  Special Circumstance: when the necessary subtle passive aggressive bragging comment must come out to combat My Kid's Better Than Yours Mom (more on that later).  The story of how Clique Mom’s five year old son pissed on the floor and she just laughed at how cute he was makes you want to cringe because that's disgusting and you’d have made him clean it up.  So politely smile, add an “Oh really”, and change the subject.  Don’t interject your parenting opinions.  The only thing worse than Clique Mom is Know It All Mom. 

The Clique Mom is a dangerous type.  We have to be a part of these women because our kids are in these sports and groups.  If we don’t play the game, our kid suffers.  Don’t sell yourself out just to be liked, this isn’t the fifth grade.  It’s obvious they’re jealous and wish they had it together like an It Mommy.  But don’t turn into Bitchy Mommy because then you, and your kid, are out.  Use the It Mommy’s greatest tool: A smile.  It’ll get you out of most situations.